Posts in category FAMiLY MiNuTE

T.A.P.

You have great natural resources, sometimes also called strengths, which you can T.A.P. into. You’ve probably had these gifts most, or all, of your life. You just didn’t know it, and you don’t know how to tap into them. Here’s how you can identify and put your natural resource to work.

T—stands for Take. Take a personal inventory of your strengths and write them down. To identify your strengths, it may help to take a look back to your younger years. Has anyone ever communicated your strengths and potential so clearly to you that it profoundly influenced your life—that it helped define who you are today? Think back. Maybe it was your 4^th grade teacher, maybe your high school coach, maybe your best friend, maybe your mom or dad. Someone saw your potential, your unique strengths. They may have told you, “You have a beautiful voice,” and now you’re a singer. They told you, “You’re good with kids,” and now you’re a teacher. “You have an awesome mechanical mind,” someone said, and you became an engineer. You heard from someone, “You really care about people when they are sick,” and now you’re a nurse. Their loving words of affirmation inspired you to become what you are today. So, start your personal inventory by looking back.

A—stands for Ask. Perhaps you never had a dad, mom, teacher, coach or friend who communicated to you the great strengths and potential they saw in you. If that’s the case, here’s one easy way to find out what your strengths are. Just ask five family members or friends, “In one or two words, what do you think is my single, greatest strength?” While there might be one or two different answers, the majority will probably agree. And when they tell you, it will not be a surprise. They are just confirming something that you’ve probably known all along. You just needed someone to bring it to light and affirm it to you. Many years ago, Bob Biehl of Masterplanning Group International introduced me to this idea of identifying my greatest strength. He also challenged me, as he has done for countless others, to determine what it was. When I asked five friends and family members, I received several very similar answers. I, however, boiled it down to one word: “catalyst.” A catalyst is an agent who provokes change or gets things going. At the same time, I also realized that one of my weaknesses was implicit in that strength. I am not particularly skilled at managing people or things over the long haul. So, if you want to launch a new product, program or event, I might be able to put together the strategy and field the team to do so. Just don’t let me manage it!

P—stands for Ponder. It’s important to know your strengths. Not so that you can become self-serving, but so that you will know, in turn, how to help family members and other people understand their strengths. Ponder how you can be the person who affirms the strengths you see in your child or friend. My wife, Susan, and I are constantly talking to our children about the strengths we see in them and how they can use those strengths. A short note to your child, friend or co-worker can also be a good way to validate their gifts. Our Family First program for fathers, All Pro Dad, holds events with NFL teams at their stadiums across the country. One thing we do at these major gatherings of fathers and their children is have the men write a short letter to their child. In one part of the letter, we encourage them to describe and praise their son or daughter for their unique talents and strengths. This doesn’t have to be done in a football stadium. You can write the letter in your office or at your kitchen table. Is it time for you to affirm your child in their strengths right now?

Posted in PASSiON, SiGNiFiCANCE

10 Ways To Be A Role Model To Your Children

Parents have an enormous influence on children. That is an obvious statement of course. Parenting is all about being an example for children and to help kids grow up to be responsible, productive and happy adults. Here are 10 ways to strive to be the leader and teacher our children need us to be.

Healthy Living
When we eat properly and exercise regularly, not only does it improve our own lives, but it sets the example for our children as well. Childhood obesity has become an epidemic in American society, which can lead to depression and disease. This is not to say a parent needs to go overboard, but every reputable expert will always tell you that moderation is the key in diet as well as exercise. Keep yourself inside the healthy range for where you are in life.
Self-Improvement
Apply whatever cliché you choose here, but you certainly can teach old dogs new tricks. Self-improvement should be on our minds continuously. Our children are always watching. When they see you not watching TV but reading a book instead, they notice. Try new experiences and broaden your horizons. This teaches our children to never stop growing as a human being. Something new is to be learned each day.
Serving/Volunteering
Make it a regular habit to get out in your community with your family and volunteer your time and talents. This is one of the best ways to build family unity, teamwork skills, and most of all, generous and serving hearts. The opportunities to do so are endless and the rewards are rich.
Open Up Your Life
Do not hide who you are as a person to your children. If you are living correctly, you should have nothing to be ashamed of. Take your children to work some days and let them see Dad in his own world. Let them see how you interact with other adults and how you carry yourself in the world. Status doesn’t mean a thing, but your attitude and your demeanor mean the whole world when it concerns what your children are learning from you about how to live life.
Self-Control
We are men and all of us have tempers. Releasing our emotions, whatever they may be, is healthy and reduces stress. How we go about doing that in front of our children, however, has major consequences. When they see Dad slam his fist down or curse loudly, it sinks into their psyche in a variety of ways—none of them good. As difficult as it can be, it is essential to practice self-control at all times in front of our children. Bite your tongue and control that temper. If need be, take it out in the gym or go for a long run. Your author here prefers playing drums. They can be very therapeutic in this regard.
Relationship Harmony
This is another very difficult aspect of being a role model. We have many important relationships and not all of them are going to be pleasant. Maybe there are issues with your parents, step-parents, brothers, sisters, or ex-wife. As noted, our children are always watching and how they see you behave in these situations sinks in. Also, how you treat your wife or significant other will also define how they act later as adults. Strive to find harmony in your personal relationships no matter how difficult it may be.
Respect and Listening
If you want to teach your kids how to be confident, it starts with showing them respect for who they are and listening to their own unique thoughts. This is a tough aspect to leadership, but the very best leaders are the ones who listen carefully and talk far less. Open your mind and your ears and listen to what your children are telling you. They will in turn learn to do the same later in life.
Positive Attitude
There is plenty of negativity to be found in society today. Do not add to the daily deluge your child receives. Instead, display a positive and reassuring attitude and pass that on to them as well. They need to be able to look at you and feel that everything is going to be ok, and it is. A positive spirit will always emerge triumphant.
Goal Setting
Setting goals are important to give us a benchmark of where we are going and the progress we are making. Implementing and achieving those goals are of equal importance. When our kids see us moving along exactly according to plan it shows them the importance of organization and self-discipline in their daily life. Help them come up with their own set of goals and praise them when the goals are met.
Walk The Talk
The single most important aspect of being your children’s role model is to always say what you mean and mean what you say. Walk the talk. Back up your words with visible and concrete action and be a man of integrity and value. Actions speak volumes. “Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin

article courtesy of: allprodad.com

Posted in F.B.E., SiGNiFiCANCE - Tagged 10 ways to be the leader and teacher our children need us to be., Parents influence on children.Parenting is all about being an example for children and to help kids grow up to be responsible, productive and happy adults

To a child, LOVE is spelled T.i.M.E.

by Ken Canfield

Dad, I don’t want to lay a guilt trip on you for not spending more time with your kids. But sometimes a guilt trip is what we all need.

Really, I’m only being honest about what I see:

When a dad claims to spend “quality time” with his kids – rather than quantity time – I wonder who he’s trying to fool. When your kids hear that phrase, the message is that they aren’t worth more than five or ten minutes of their father’s day.

I know what dads do; I’ve done it myself. We tell our children we wish we could spend more time with them. We wish we could sit down and play a board game or ping-pong. We wish we could take them to the park and push them on the swing. But right now, we can’t. Our schedules are just too tight.

“Well,” we say to ourselves, “at least our motives are good, right?”

Wrong. We can’t escape it: spending time communicates our love better than words. “Love is spelled T-I-M-E.”

And there are no secret methods. It’s just a matter of putting in the time. Once you’re together, good things will happen. Read a book. Play a game. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Chances are, your child will have plenty of ideas for what you can do together.

One thing you can do is to actually write your kids’ names in your schedule. If it works on the job, shouldn’t it work for your kids?

*Schedule time to help with your kids’ homework.

*Schedule a breakfast date with your teenage daughter.

*Schedule that parent-teacher conference next month.

*Sign up for some organized activity together – chess club, sports league, church groups, and so on. That way, you can use the structure of the activity to help you spend time with your child.

Dads, we don’t have to spend every spare moment with our kids. We need some time away – and especially some time alone with our wives. But let’s work on getting rid of the excuses and being more available to our children.

Dr. Ken Canfield is the founder of the National Center for Fathering (www.fathers.com).

Posted in F.B.E., SiGNiFiCANCE - Tagged love is spelled time, our job as parents, time with children, what kids want, what to do with kids

10 Ways to find PURPOSE

courtesy of : www.allprodad.com

George Bernard Shaw wrote, “This is the true joy in life: Being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and, as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

The dictionary defines purpose as: “The object toward which one strives or for which something exists; an aim or a goal.”

Quite often, discovering purpose is no more complicated than taking honest inventory of our natural abilities and then using them to improve the world around us.

Regardless of where the road of discovery takes us, it is imperative that we take the trouble to find our way. People, and most especially men with children, were not created in order to live aimless, purposeless lives. We, as All Pro Dads, have both the responsibility and the opportunity to become purpose-driven leaders in our families.

Here are ten ways to begin thinking about the big question. “10 Ways to Find Purpose.”

Think about your legacy:Imagine representatives from your family, your work, your friends and your community offering a eulogy for your life. What do you think they would say? Now imagine what you would like them to say? What you’d like them to say can help you understand your purpose.
Understand your place in the universe:The following quote comes from Father Cavanaugh in “Rudy” (1983): “Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I’m not Him.” We discover purpose by aligning ourselves with God rather than aligning God with ourselves.
Learn to listen:Simply paying attention is a huge step in moving from aimlessness toward purpose. That includes listening to our spouse, our children, ourselves and all the wisdom that surrounds us.
Study the lives of great people:Who do you admire? Read about the lives of men you respect. If you know them, ask questions about how they found their purpose.
Mentor a kid:Helping young people outside our families can help us understand our purpose at home. Find out more through city and county recreation programs, Big Brothers-Big Sisters mentoring, your local school, church, or the YMCA.
Shut off the trash valve:Even as you tune in to the witness of those you admire, at the same time shut off the valve to the trash. It’s hard to discover purpose when we are surrounded by the noise of the vapid, the narcissist, the aimless and the lost.
Take an inventory and learn your unique skill-set:Sometimes we’re not aware of our own gifts. Many schools, colleges and places of worship have developed tools to connect people with their talents and proclivities. Take inventory, and then take the courageous step of living into your abilities.
Adopt the discipline of thinking of others ahead of yourself:Introspection is useful only so much as it leads to looking out with clearer eyes. When we take our gifts and use them to benefit those around us (family, friends, community…) it’s easier to find a sense of purpose through service.
“Find the place where your great passion meets the world’s great need” (Frederick Buechner):If we pay attention to what brings us joy, and then find where the practice of our joy specifically meets the needs of other people, then we will find purpose in the same place.
Experiment:Sometimes we simply don’t know until we try. Those who wait around to “find myself” too often waste precious time that could be used to make the world a better place. To that extent, we already know our purpose.

Posted in PuRPOSE, SiGNiFiCANCE - Tagged destiny, finding meaning, finding purpose, what is my purpose

10 Thoughts on HAPPiNESS

Everyone longs for real, lasting happiness. Happiness can seem like a fleeting experience at times. It exists one moment and is gone the next. But you can have a “happiness strategy.” Learn how to invest yourself in lasting happiness that brings you joy. In All Pro Dad’s 10 Thoughts on Happiness, learn about what happiness is made out of:

Trying too hard
The pursuit of happiness can actually backfire, say experts at the University of Denver. People who place a high value on happiness have, on average, 17 more symptoms of depression than those who don’t.^a Instead, happiness is the byproduct of doing something worth doing well. Focus on that and happiness could very well follow.
Money
According to Dr. John Grohol, CEO and founder of Psych Central, people who spend their time and money on doing things together — whether it be taking a vacation to someplace or going on an all-day outing to the local sporting event — report higher levels of happiness than those who buy more stuff. This is because our memories keep an emotional photograph of the experience, whereas the material things don’t make as big an emotional imprint. Also, use your money and time in a lasting, meaningful way by helping others.^b
Musical Inspiration
Music has an effect on the listener’s mood. Studies have found that listening to music can lift your spirits and put you in a better mood. The genre makes no difference as long as it is something that you enjoy. “For some people it’s Bach; for others it’s heavy metal,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.^a
Be Content with where You are
According to Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, American culture is obsessed with climbing the ladder of success, but at what cost? Too often we get caught up unsatisfied with ourselves because we are comparing ourselves to others. This constant comparing is damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Find happiness in who you are, where you are at, and the strengthens and talents that God gave you.^c
Happiness is a Choice
Internal factors play a larger role in personal happiness than external factors. Studies have shown that only 10% of happiness occurs because of external factors. Personal happiness relies more on internal factors such as attitude, relationships, and outlook on life. In fact, outlook on life determines at least 50% of a person’s happiness.^d
Thankfulness
People who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals, according to author Robert Emmons. Research by Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, revealed that people who write “gratitude letters” to someone who made a difference in their lives score higher on happiness, and lower on depression – and the effect lasts for weeks. Requirements – paper and pen.^e
Books are Healthier than TV
Researchers at the University of Maryland have found that people who read books are happier than people who watch TV. This even goes for books with depressing plots. The logic makes sense, as reading a book is an active process and the person can really get involved unlike TV.^a
The Outdoors
In a University of Rochester study, 90 percent of subjects got a boost in energy and had their outlook brightened by spending time outdoors around trees, grass, and living creatures. Meaning get outside and get some fresh air. Take a quick walk around the block to take in the outdoors. Who knows what you’ll see? Every time you go outside, there’s something new to see; it’s never the same.^a
Laughter
Time Magazine records that, “People are 30 times more likely to laugh in groups than alone and, not surprisingly, laughter is associated with helping to develop person-to-person connections…” Laughter reduces certain stress hormones and strengthens your immune system. Laughter promotes better health and sense of happy contentment. On the inside, it releases childlikeness. So try to fit some good clean television comedies into your day for a quick laugh.^e
We Are Designed for Companionship
Close relationships with family, friends, and loved ones bring happiness say researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. Take a look a really happy people; you will notice that they likely have supportive families, close friends, and strong relationships. Don’t go through life alone. What are things like money and success at the end of the day if we have no one to share them with?

Sources:

^aOakley, Colleen.   “Sunny Side Up.”  Parade. Magazine. Web. 5 Aug. 2011.
^bGorhol, John. “5 Reliable Findings from Happiness Research.”  Psych Central. World of Psychology. 11 Apr. 2010. Web. 3 Aug. 2011.
^cAngel, Jen. “10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy.”  Yes! Sustainable Happiness. 31 Oct. 2008. Web. 3 Aug. 2011
^d Ross, Gilbert. “14 Facts You Must Know about Happiness.” Lifestyle Development, Personal Development. 28 Dec. 2009. Web.   3 Aug. 2011.
^e “Health and Happiness.”  Time Magazine. Time Specials. Web. 3 Aug. 2011.

Posted in PuRSuiT of HAPPiNESS - Tagged choosing to be happy, pursuit of happiness

10 ways to show your kids you LOVE them

1.Unconditionally

Your son’s room is a complete mess. Your daughter just got her 3^rd speeding ticket and she is still 16. One brought home a poor grade in science. One snuck out of the house and didn’t get home until 2 am. Safe to say, all these things are going to make for interesting parenting. Through it all, never let your child feel as if your love for them has limits. These are the moments you let it shine the brightest. Unconditional love is the greatest gift in life.

2. Tick-Tock

Time slips away so fast doesn’t it? One minute you are teaching your daughter to ride a bike. The next minute she’s backing down the driveway in your car. Were you there enough for all the time in between? Your child wants your attention more than any other thing you can provide them. Make it a top priority to spend as much time with your children as you can.

3. Tough Love

Don’t shy away from the crucial moments. The hard times. The big decisions. This is when your love is tested the most. A parent has to do the right thing. The responsible thing. Not the popular thing. The love you show now will be reflected back when they are adults. You’ll be rocking your grandchild in your arms one day and your son will tap you on the shoulder and simply say “thank you Dad.”

4. Really Know Them

We all have ideas of what we would like our kids to be. Chances are those ideas do not match reality of who they really are. Find out what makes your kids tick. What stirs their passions. Help them develop those traits. Our children’s biggest fear is disappointing us. Make sure they know that could never happen.

5. The Language of Love

Sweetie Pie. Sport. Honey Bun. Champ. Pet names declare love. They let a child know they are special to you. So does the more direct version of just saying three words. I love you. Say it loud and say it proud. A lot

6. Affection

Hard to believe, but some men have a real hard time with this one. Some Dad’s just aren’t prone to hugging and kissing. We are raised to be tough and strong. That’s a good thing. However, your child needs your affection in the most vital of ways. If you don’t hug your daughter everyday, chances are somebody else will. If you abandon affection from your relationship with your son, he will do the same himself one day. It’s a good bet that you could use a big ol’ hug yourself. So knock down those walls and extend those big arms. You’ll be addicted in no time.

7. Special Occasions

Always celebrate the big moments in their lives. Birthdays. Recitals. First day of school. Graduation. Everything. Make a big deal out of each and every one. These are the days they feel special. The moments that honor life. Who do they want to notice more than anybody else? Dad.

8. Professor Dad

They watch every single move you make. They are learning from you no matter what you are doing. Even if they are learning that men can snore really loud when they nap on a couch. Teach them everything you know. How to fix a flat tire. How to ride a bike. How to drive. How to hit a baseball. How to go on a date and behave like a gentleman. Everything.

9. Believe In Them

This is a hard one. We want to shelter them. Protect them from any and all harm at all times. However this will not do any good in the real world. They have to learn to stand on their own two feet. Teach them well. Give them the skills and values that are required for success. Then let them fly. Trust them. Believe in your child. It will mean the world to them.

10. Spirituality

We all have the same Father. Our most important duty as a parent is to make sure our children know their Creator. Give them the foundation that God intends for them to have. His is the greatest love we will ever know.

Posted in F.B.E. - Tagged parenting suggestions, ways to show our kids you love them

a DREAM dies …

When a dream dies, when the thing you’ve wanted for so long is gone, there is a real sense of loss. And you can’t just plug in any dream in place of the old one. What you can do is learn how to dream again by grieving, growing and grabbing.

Allow yourself to grieve.

It’s okay to feel badly about your loss. It’s okay to let yourself experience the full range of your emotions as they relate to your dream. Give yourself some time to work through the stages of your grief. But most importantly, don’t let yourself indulge in self-pity. The sooner you are in a place to accept your new situation, the sooner you’re ready to embrace a new dream.

Allow yourself to grow.

Sometimes focusing on one dream in life gives us a sense of permission to ignore other dreams that come along. Give yourself permission to try new things, to experience new hopes. Embrace the challenges and grow in ways that are different from the old dream. Flex your dream muscles and find some new strength.

Allow yourself to grab hold of the next dream.

Your dream was a part of you. Now that it’s gone, liking another dream might feel a bit like cheating. The last step to healing is to allow your heart and mind to embrace the next vision for your life. You may not have the life that you dreamed of, but if you spend all of your time focusing on what you’ve lost, you’ll never see what you can have. The death of a dream doesn’t have to be the end of your hopes…it could be the beginning of an even better dream.

Have you lost a dream? Are you ready to dream again?

Posted in CHALLENGES - Tagged challenges, dealing properly with resentment, dreams, dreams unaccomplished

The Greatest ? Ever

Andy Stanley, author and pastor has boiled down the process of decision making to one question. In his book,the Best Question Ever he shares his insight into the human psyche and the way that we process information. I thought I would share what I took away from his writing.

Every one of us have done some things in the course of our life that we look back on and say, “What was I thinking?” We look back and we wish that we could rewrite the story. We look back now and we see clearly that we were headed down the wrong path, but in the midst of it we were “following our heart.” The passage of time allows us to see things a little more clearly, but wouldn’t it be great if we could have avoided those bad decisions in the first place? What if you could foolproof your marriage, your finances, your relationships, your life? Is there something that can help us to weigh every decision, or invitation, or business opportunity that will protect us from disaster and poor choices?

YES.

The human condition is such that we are always pushing the boundaries…how close can I go without breaking the rules? Is it legal? If it’s not illegal, it must be ok. Is it acceptable? There’s no law against it, so it must be acceptable. Is it immoral? Is it right? These are great questions, but they are not what we really need to know. Each of these questions can be easily justified and bent to our will at the moment. What we need to ask is “What is the wise thing to do?” Wisdom is the knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment which leads to action; discernment, or insight.

So now that we have the question, there are three levels through which you should filter your decision.

Each one of us has a unique past. Nobody has your history, but you. These are the experiences that make us who we are . . . The good choices, the not so good choices that mix together to make us into the person that we are today. And our past history predisposed us to certain things. So, when you are faced with a decision, the first thing you should consider is your past. “In light of your past experience, what is the wise thing to do?” If we have struggled with internet pornography should we not have internet access at home? If we struggle with debt in the past should we get rid of our credit cards? Is it wrong to have a credit card? No. Is it wrong to have internet access? No, but if these things are in your past then it potentially is not wise for you. So be courageous and ask that question first. In light of my past experience, what is the wise thing for me to do?

The second level is this, “In light of my current circumstances, what is the wise thing to do?” In light of what has just happened in your life. In light of where you are emotionally, financially, relationally. There are decisions that you could make five years down the road that will be just fine, but for right now… it would not be good. When we fail to assess our current situation in our decision making, we can very easily fall into regret later on. So consider your current circumstances when you are making your decisions.

The last level or filter in our decision making is our future. Like our past, the future is unique to us. We may have specific goals in mind that we want to achieve – or avoid. So when you are faced with a choice, you should ask, “In light of my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do.” Decisions you make today will affect your future…and you need to make that decision in light of that reality. What may be wise for someone else, and perfectly acceptable, may be catastrophic in light of YOUR future. Think of what you want your marriage to be in the future, what’s the wise thing to do now? In light of where you want to be in the future financially, what’s the wise choice now? What about your relationships with your children, and your children with you? Our unwise decisions in our past have robbed us of a portion of our future. Where you are today is a direct result of decisions you made in the past.

So the next decision you make, ask this question. What is the wise thing to do. In light of your past experience, your current circumstances and your future hopes and dreams. This question works with every situation. No one ever plans to make bad decisions. No one plans to mess up their life. But we don’t plan not to, either. So, the way you plan not to fail is to ask yourself today – What is the wise thing to do? It is the single, best question ever.

THE “BEAR”

*article courtesy of AllProDad.com

“Bear Bryant, Perseverance and Quitting”

Here is legendary Coach Bear Bryant’s speech to his Alabama football team before a 1974 game:

“Most of you will live another fifty years or more. I hope it’s seventy, but if it’s fifty that’s still a good life, and what happens today you’ll have to live with the rest of the way. You can’t get it back if you don’t win. It’s sixty minutes and over. The losers are the ones who say, ‘Oh I wish I could play it again.’ You can’t play it again…

Well, you’re not really going to have to play sixty minutes. None of you. The longest play in a game is six and a half seconds. The shortest play is less than two seconds. That’s barely a wink of the eye. You’ll average five seconds a play. Five seconds of total effort, going all out, giving a hundred percent. You oughta be able to hold your hand in a fire that long…”

Bear Bryant was tremendous in motivating his players to persevere, no matter how hard it got. And as a general rule, it’s a good one. But there are circumstances that dictate that our children should walk away from something they are doing. Here are 10 things to consider before letting your children quit. Sometimes it’s more art than science on when you make your kids grit it out vs. when you let them throw in the towel, but it’s well worth thinking through beforehand as best as you can.

10 Things to Consider Before You Let Your Children Quit

Life is difficult. It’s a given! We’re born, we open our eyes, dad misinterprets our cry, mom puts the diaper on too tight, someone else drops our pacifier – and it begins.

But this is how life works. Challenge is built into the equation; learning requires patience; problem solving is a key element to fulfillment; obstacles come our way every day. World leader Winston Churchill gave a speech at his old school in the darkest days of WW2; he’d had a miserable time there and was considered a failure. He walked to the podium and surveyed the crowd of awe-struck students. “This is the lesson,” he said. “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small – never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense….”

But we also live in this world of entitlement: “’I deserve this.” “I want mine now!” “Children should have everything they want.” “It’s my responsibility to make my kids happy.” “Satisfy me now!”

But, and experience proves this every time, pretty much everything worthwhile comes at the price of investment. It’s not just that the reward is sweeter after the long haul. It turns out that the process of getting from A to B is intrinsically worthwhile – regardless of the payoff at the end. The key to success is perseverance.

However, there are times we and our children should quit something. We do the math and realize the best option is to do something else. But what are the guidelines? Here are 10 worth thinking about:

“Quitter” is a tough label to shake. Breaking a promise is a big deal; failing to follow through should never be brushed off. Quitting is never small potatoes.
Tenacity is a strong word for life: Thomas Edison famously “failed” 10,000 times on his way to inventing the light bulb. What if he had simply quit along the way?
This is a big life-lesson opportunity. If children don’t learn to follow through now, when they have our support, how will they become equipped to follow through as adults, when they must rely on what we taught them?
Make sure we understand the entire story! It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about network news, witnesses to an accident, or kids – the principle’s the same: one source of information is never enough.
Trust takes a long line of completions to build, but it only takes one broken promise to dismantle.
Quitting on impulse is never the right choice. Have your child outline the problem and then explain exactly why they believe quitting is their #1 option.
Kids usually quit for the wrong reason. Try to get at the bottom of why your kids want to quit. “It’s not fun anymore” may be code for “kids make fun of me.”
Challenging experiences invariably build character; the easy way out typically builds something else. Want your children to be diamonds? The only way is to have them take the pressure sometimes.
The more often children quit before completing a task, the less likely they are to finish the next one. Quitting, like perseverance, can quickly form a habit. Challenge your children not to give up too easily.
Sometimes your child needs to make a tough choice and walk away. Once in a while, quitting is simply the right thing to do. Maybe the coach is bad news; maybe your child really is overcommitted; maybe there are principles of character he or she cannot compromise. If this is the case, your child needs your support and your help to make a gracious exit.

Posted in CHALLENGES, MOTiVATiON

COuRAGEOuS

Starting September 30^th, one of the best movies WE have ever seen called Courageous will be at local theaters. This is a powerful movie based on the professional and personal lives of four police officers. The aim of this film is to honor fatherhood and encourage you as a dad. Check out the All Pro Dad Courageous page and view all the cool resources. Set a date night with your wife to go out and see it. And finally, since this is a faith-based movie, learn about the 10 Things Scripture Says about Being a Father.

There is nothing easy about being a dad. Especially nowadays, if conversations around the water-cooler are anything to go by. Well, we hear your pain. But an honest look at history reveals a—well—comforting familiarity to the foundational premise.

Fact is; dads have been throwing their hands up in the air for literally thousands of years. Fortunately for us this means we don’t have to reinvent the wheel. The iPod, maybe. But the wheel, no.

While children were frustrating the dads of yore, the teachers of yore also came up with their own ideas.

What does being COuRAGEOuS man to you ?

*article courtesy of AllProDad

Posted in F.B.E. - Tagged Courageous, F.B.E., family minute, mark merrill, New Film, Sept. 30th

KNOWLEDGE vs. WiSDOM

Do you know the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

courtsey of : www.familyminute.com

Knowledge is a good thing. But it’s simply the accumulation of information. A person can be a walking encyclopedia and still lack wisdom. Wisdom is supreme. It encompasses understanding, discernment and moral direction for our lives. So, how can you grow in wisdom? Here are three ways: First, listen to correction. Second, look to parents and grandparents for sound instruction and advice. Third, learn from and keep the company of wise people. As a proverb says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise.” Share the wisdom you’ve gained in life with your children by teaching them to make wise decisions.

Remember, your Family First,

Mark Merrill

7 WAYS TO TEACH YOuR CHiLDREN TO MAKE WiSE DECiSiONS

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1. Let them make mistakes

As parents, our natural instinct is to shield our kids from all potential pitfalls. But carefully letting your kids learn a hard lesson from their own mistakes and then talking to them about it after the fact will give them great insight.

2. Expose them to the “real world”

Our shielding instinct is to hide the cold, ugly world from the eyes of our children. Yet, there is no better teacher than a helpful dose of reality. For instance, maybe you caught your child smoking. Instead of grounding him for two weeks and giving him a verbal lashing, download pictures from the Internet of the lungs of those who smoke. This is far more powerful in their mind than sitting in their room mad at you because they can’t go out on Friday night. You still might ground them of course, but WITH the real life example of why you must do so.

3. Learn your child’s interests and be involved

Whether it is church youth groups, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, football, music, art, cooking, or any variety of social organizations, having your child get involved will teach him life skills that will grow his pool of wisdom. Whatever it may be, find out or HELP your child find out his interests. Then provide real life examples of others that share their same likes and who are successful. This teaches that hard work and dedication is the key to success and those traits lend very well to decision making. It also exposes him to positive peer pressure (yes there is such a thing!), and increases the likelihood that the decisions he makes will be the correct ones. If a child has a lot to lose by acting foolish, he is much less likely to do so.

4. Talk to your child

Open communication is vital to parenting, but is quite often hard to achieve. The second a child senses lecture, you’ve lost his ear. It is said you should not be your child’s friend, but that is not entirely true. You ARE the parent, and they ARE the child, but unless you are their friend also, you are never going to get anything real out of them. If you can find common areas where you bond and illicit real discussion from your child, you will gain invaluable insight into how his mind operates…how he thinks. This, in turn, gives you the ability to know what decision he is going to make before he even makes it. If it’s not going to be the correct one, then you can intervene and guide in the proper direction.

5. Money, money, money

We can agree some of the hardest lessons learned in life are due to the misuse of cold, hard cash. We all need it, all want it, and some of us actually save it. Those who do keep it, somewhere along the line, had a real fine example of how they don’t wish to live. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to teach them how to handle money properly. In years past, money has been plentiful to so many of us that it became more and more difficult to show your child an appreciation for what he has. One benefit of this economically troubled time is that you can visually show your children the value of your hard-earned cash. If you can teach your child to handle money in a responsible manner, most likely that will follow through into the other parts of his life. An ancient proverb says, “Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom?”

6. The friends we keep

If we are only as strong as our weakest link, then teaching your children how to choose friendships is a vitally important task. As important as we like to think we are to our kids, their world revolves around their own social interactions and circles of friends. It is THEM they are listening to, and not us in many circumstances. One sure-fire way to know what direction your child is headed in is to get to know his friends. “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” A person should expose themselves to many different types of personalities and cultures, and should be open-minded to different thoughts, but the people they keep close to should reflect great values. Teach your child to understand the value of a good friend, and also how to BE a good friend. And this will be a great asset in helping your kids make wise decisions.

7. Lead by example

If you yourself do not follow these principles, then how do you expect your child to want to? “Do as I say, not as I do” is NOT a good conversation starter with a child. If need be, use your own faults as an example of how not to be and promise to do better. Humbling yourself in front of your child and admitting your weakness will actually make him feel closer to you. And where you do have strengths in decision-making skills, teach those to him. The best lessons in life are caught, not taught, by a child’s parents.

Tagged 7 ways to teach your kids to make wise decisions, experience, family minute, knowledge vs. wisdom, mark merrill

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